We all affect people.  So why not affect them positively?  Here are some time-tested methods to make a profound difference, all of which will make you a lot more interesting and attractive to others (and to yourself).

BE A LISTENER:  Sounds obvious, doesn’t it?  Most people know active listening is important.  So ask yourself.  “Am I the type of person that listens, or am I the type that waits to talk?”

How should you listen?   Pay attention not only to words, but also to tonality and body language.  Raise your antennae for special gifts, traits or talents.  Then point them out.  Most people listen for what they need from the other person.  Shift your listening for what’s truly unique or special about the person with whom you are speaking.  Then point it out.  Try it for a day.  Then a week.  What would result if you adopted this way of listening for the rest of your life?

Do you listen for emotions?  How would you rate your level of empathy and sincerity?  Facts, data and information are valuable, but people, relationships, and emotions are profound.  Next time you’re listening to your child, friend, prospect or customer, feel what they are feeling and respond with empathy versus intellect.  

BE EMPOWERING:   Unique gifts and problems occur differently to everyone, so show others how to make better use of what they already possess.  It all lives in perception.  Your perspective can help others create a wonderful experience that they previously didn’t know existed.  Most people are so mired in the future or past, that they miss out on the opportunities staring straight at them in the present.  Be their eyes and ears and help them see the value of what’s already all around them.  

Provide people with ideas that can be easily retained and transmitted.  Learn to communicate information, truths and concepts in bite-sized packages.  Make these packages easy to understand and share.  In short, try to be concise and provide simple, worthwhile, interesting things to say.

BE HUMAN:   None of us behaves perfectly, so be vulnerable and acknowledge your weaknesses.  It is such an adult thing to do.  Being fully accepting of your whole person, including the faults is liberating for you and others.  Showing humility permits others to also feel comfortable in being not-perfect.   Use your human qualities of caring and nurturing so you can really get down to the business of truly helping others.

BE INQUISITIVE:   Create new worlds in people’s thinking, feeling and priorities.  Don’t be afraid to challenge a strongly-held belief or assumption or create a new paradigm or distinction.  Spread your tough-love generously, but always offer a soft (and strong) place to land. 

BE PERCEPTIVE:  And notice the good stuff.  Acknowledgement of accomplishment is fine, but praising people for who they are instead what they did is profound.

Focus on the person behind the accomplishment or problem.  Helping a person get more in touch with who they are and what they really care about will always help them produce better results in everything they do.

BE SHARING:   Offer people meaningful and interesting concepts, projects and tools.  If the popularity of Reality TV is any indication, most people must be pretty bored.  If you happen to be up to something worthwhile and are willing to let people share in your project, many people will gain meaning from joining you.  Not only from playing, learning and participating, but also by the game itself and the interesting people they’ll meet along the way.  So if you’re working on a cool project, share it and affect a bunch of other people.

BE REAL:   Don’t try to profoundly affect others.  For some reason, this is harder than it sounds for many people.  Sincere Interest and Infinite Curiosity rule the day.  The objective here is not to try to affect others.  Acting sincere or pretending to be interested are oxymoronic.  They will get you nowhere — fast.   However, what you can do is be trustworthy and caring for others and share the stuff above with those who want to receive it.  

If you do, you WILL have a profound effect on others and on yourself.  I know—all this sounds like a pile of new communication skills to learn.  If you go for it, there will be some adjusting.  But, this shouldn’t feel like work.  It is fun and rewarding to EVERYONE involved.  It takes no extra time or preparation.  All it really takes is a simple commitment to begin to make a bigger difference in people’s lives.

Copyright ©   Joe Zente  2010.   All Rights Reserved.

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